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Post by bimble on Nov 22, 2016 15:08:46 GMT
I've just had a parcel delivered. How the liver got into it I'll never know.
I'll get me coat.
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Post by donavan on Nov 22, 2016 15:45:53 GMT
I've just had a parcel delivered. How the liver got into it I'll never know. I'll get me coat. That's offal.
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Post by donavan on Nov 23, 2016 7:34:38 GMT
"Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."
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Post by donavan on Nov 23, 2016 17:18:33 GMT
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
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Post by donavan on Nov 25, 2016 15:19:30 GMT
There's a new TV show on tonight about origami. It's paper view.
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Post by donavan on Nov 28, 2016 17:54:37 GMT
The average person has sex 89 times a year. December is going to be one hell of a month!
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a pint and a mop.
What stands in a field and goes "Oooooh!" A cow with no lips.
"Does this uniform make me look fat?" - Insecurity guard.
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Post by donavan on Nov 30, 2016 6:22:45 GMT
I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He gave me a hug.
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Post by bimble on Dec 1, 2016 5:28:26 GMT
My brother-in-law can tell what a kitchen work-top is made of just by looking at it. He's counter intuitive.
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Post by donavan on Dec 1, 2016 17:11:16 GMT
Husband: I love you. Wife: Oh that's just the wine talking. Husband: I'm talking to the wine.
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Post by donavan on Dec 1, 2016 17:16:23 GMT
I bought luminous condoms at the weekend.
You should have seen my wife's face light up!
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Post by donavan on Dec 1, 2016 17:17:55 GMT
Man gets home and tells his wife "Get me a beer before it starts" he drinks it then says "Quick get me 1 more before it starts" again she gets it he drinks it & says "another before it starts" She says "Listen here you lazy fat git, you walk in, sit down & start barking orders"...
He says "Fuck me it's started"
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Post by donavan on Dec 1, 2016 17:20:08 GMT
I've decided to sell all my John Lennon memorabilia online.
Imagine all the PayPal.
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Post by peggs on Dec 5, 2016 3:12:50 GMT
A man walks in to a bar with jumper cables wrapped around his neck and orders a beer. The bartender says, "fine, I'll serve you but I don't want you starting anything."
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Post by donavan on Dec 5, 2016 8:28:42 GMT
A man walks in to a bar with jumper cables wrapped around his neck and orders a beer. The bartender says, "fine, I'll serve you but I don't want you starting anything." A brain walks into the same bar and goes to order a drink but the bartender refuses to serve the brain. "How come?" says the brain. "Well," replies the bartender, "You're out of your head."
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Post by donavan on Dec 5, 2016 23:24:40 GMT
Some good news for insomniacs. It's now only 4 sleeps till Christmas.
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