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Post by donavan on Jul 18, 2020 7:10:56 GMT
Cheers bimble. I can be hard work, you know that more than most. So thanks. By the way, miles is the father of the house. I rather wish he was admin too. And the mayor is a fucking waste of space.
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Post by donavan on Jul 18, 2020 7:16:13 GMT
By the way, can people see my avatar? Yeah. It's shit.
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Post by donavan on Jul 18, 2020 7:21:27 GMT
And yes my 'insult' was a compliment. Perhaps I should insult next time. It's all bollocks. And so not important. Do what you do.
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Post by bimble on Jul 18, 2020 7:28:57 GMT
Cheers bimble. I can be hard work, you know that more than most. So thanks. Bye the way, miles is the father of the house. I rather wish he was admin too. And the mayor is a fucking waste of space. Oops, sorry Miles........ One forgets. Now put the bottle down and go to bed, don.
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Post by Finntrovertigo on Jul 18, 2020 14:41:23 GMT
By the way, can people see my avatar? Yes, and the shave and haircut, you look like a young Andy? Wait--are you really Andy?
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Post by Nonsuch Ned on Jul 18, 2020 15:56:34 GMT
And this is what he spat his dummy over - I'm not being rude Ned. And you are a fine man for running a forum for so few. And I thank you for that. But we don't give a flying fuck about banners and colours, just keep that red away will ya. What we care about is our small community and how you make it happen. Not saying we can't tinker a bit. But seriously, thank you. You are appreciated. Seriously? Whoah there! I know I haven't been around here and have missed a lot recently, but this does seem to have got a bit out of proportion. Ned is the Father of this Forum, and for that we should all be and are grateful. Don, to be fair is the one who has, at times, and with the help of a few others, kept this whole thing alive with lots of posting. Now some of what he says may not be to everyone's taste, and his humour ('humour') may be lost on some at times, but he's jolly well part of the furniture and shouldn't possibly leave. Ned, I don't think don's "flying fuck" was meant as an insult, it was just his way of saying that in the great scheme of things (for him and perhaps others) what the place looks like is quite far down the list of the reasons to be here I have no knowledge (or, probably) memory of bad blood between the two of you in the past, but please stop it, eh? bimble XX I stopped it ages ago. I never actively interact with him. I wish he'd do the same. I answer him if he interacts with me (I may stop), I may answer a thread question he's involved in. I'm one guy and don't have the time to be here much. I figured I'd make a good faith effort to participate a little. Post songs I like, maybe actually post about XTC and what's currently going on (which tend to get ignored or derailed by...). I can count positive interactions with Donovan in the past months on one hand and those are with a grain of salt. None are big problems but they build up and when the one thing I've had great fun with here in quite some time is dismissed I blew up.... If this is considered blowing up, bollocking or being turned over: [1. explanation] You'll care about banners and colors when you can't read anything because the letters and background are the same or close to them. Tell me if I accidentally did that. [2. An APOLOGY, and effort to see if he still didn't likke my changes] As for the red. Sorry about the letters turning red for awhile but I like the dark red [which I toned down greatly at Donovan's suggestion- with no comment or thanks from him] I'm using for WS and Nonsuch. I hope those aren't what are bothering you. The colors are dictated by colors in the top illustration. [The only bit off offense- toned down greatly from what I actually wanted to say- an attempt at humor by making fun of his royal "we" and an honest suggestion of how he could avoid encounteringg his apparent problems with my "tinkering"} But all due respect, are WE the Queen now? If you don't like the new themes go to your settings and keep it on ES. The instructions are in this thread and in the News banner up top. And his "compliment," his attempt at "being nice" came after a simple post apologizing about accidentally messing up some settings for a few minutes. Garish colors, white letters on white backgrounds. Things I was fixing as I was learning. I wanted to make sure there weren't problems I missed. And the response is they don't matter. And let's be clear- the thing he was complimenting is "doing nothing" - this place runs itself. I okay new members every couple months, maybe respond to a request to move a thread. that's it. So I took even his compliment as "stop doing stuff and stay out of the way." It's not like this effort to make new "wallpaper" came out of nowhere. I was responding to the observation that it hadn't been done in awhile. His "we" did come off as particularly annoying. He may post the most but he doesn't post FOR everyone. I was doing this FOR others and continued because it was fun and fulfilling.
My next response was harsher because he never has the remotest possibility to understand WHY I might be upset. WHY his language makes me think he's constantly prodding and dismissing my efforts and interests. It's all "my problem" if I can't understand HIM - it's MY problem. If he ever once actually tried to understand where I'm coming from instead of automatically giving up and taking offense I'd assume he's been told he's had a diagnosis of a terminal illness and is forcing himself to reflect on himself and own actions for the first time in his life.
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Post by Mare on Jul 18, 2020 16:36:14 GMT
Hey Nonsuch Ned and donavan , I love you both...the times are heinous and I've been blowing up and been blown up upon, as well. I do appreciate what each of you add to the Back Porch and it would make me sad to lose either of you. I'm not perfect, no one is-we're human for cripes' sake. We think we know everything, are judgy and stubborn. I think it is wonderful to have a place where we can discuss (and I mean discuss in our own ways, because sometimes we may yell and the Universe knows, none of us really have filters) We are the smartest, sassiest, funniest people I know and yes, what we say can sting, hurt and stay with us for a long time. Feelings are a major part of our journey, and the ability to have the freedom to express our feelings and be open to the fact that we can agree to disagree is pretty vital to keeping our balance. My sponsor told me, and keeps telling me "What other people think of you is none of your business." That seemed very novel to me. I have always been worried about what others think of my behavior and wanted to have a place to fit in. (I feel like I fit in, here.) But when I take that statement seriously, think about what I can and cannot change and value the ability to have tolerance about things that are different from the way I would have done them, I feel better as a person. Sometimes, I feel like I am viewed as a cheerleader but I just want to be supportive and acknowledge that there are people who can do things I can not do. It doesn't matter if I benefit from these things, if they benefit others and peoples' lives are improved even in the slightest way, I am happy about it. Therapy taught me to ask myself "What is MY part in this, how did I drive this dissent?" You have to be brave enough to own your own shit, otherwise, you are not a participant, you are trying to dominate. Ned and don, you both have been here for this forum...you are both pillars at the gate, maybe on opposite sides of the doorway, but both holding up the same arch that connects us all. I read this in a novel in college: "Adapt, adopt and change." Maybe Being There. Maybe something Anthony Burgess, maybe even Mr. Vonnnegut. I have always found those words to be good to stand on in times of turbulence.
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Post by miles on Jul 18, 2020 18:06:06 GMT
Thanks for what you do Ned. It seems I have become attached to this place, sometimes it seems like a life raft in the ocean.
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Post by donavan on Jul 18, 2020 20:43:53 GMT
Whoah there! I know I haven't been around here and have missed a lot recently, but this does seem to have got a bit out of proportion. Ned is the Father of this Forum, and for that we should all be and are grateful. Don, to be fair is the one who has, at times, and with the help of a few others, kept this whole thing alive with lots of posting. Now some of what he says may not be to everyone's taste, and his humour ('humour') may be lost on some at times, but he's jolly well part of the furniture and shouldn't possibly leave. Ned, I don't think don's "flying fuck" was meant as an insult, it was just his way of saying that in the great scheme of things (for him and perhaps others) what the place looks like is quite far down the list of the reasons to be here I have no knowledge (or, probably) memory of bad blood between the two of you in the past, but please stop it, eh? bimble XX I stopped it ages ago. I never actively interact with him. I wish he'd do the same. I answer him if he interacts with me (I may stop), I may answer a thread question he's involved in. I'm one guy and don't have the time to be here much. I figured I'd make a good faith effort to participate a little. Post songs I like, maybe actually post about XTC and what's currently going on (which tend to get ignored or derailed by...). I can count positive interactions with Donovan in the past months on one hand and those are with a grain of salt. None are big problems but they build up and when the one thing I've had great fun with here in quite some time is dismissed I blew up.... If this is considered blowing up, bollocking or being turned over: [1. explanation] You'll care about banners and colors when you can't read anything because the letters and background are the same or close to them. Tell me if I accidentally did that. [2. An APOLOGY, and effort to see if he still didn't likke my changes] As for the red. Sorry about the letters turning red for awhile but I like the dark red [which I toned down greatly at Donovan's suggestion- with no comment or thanks from him] I'm using for WS and Nonsuch. I hope those aren't what are bothering you. The colors are dictated by colors in the top illustration. [The only bit off offense- toned down greatly from what I actually wanted to say- an attempt at humor by making fun of his royal "we" and an honest suggestion of how he could avoid encounteringg his apparent problems with my "tinkering"} But all due respect, are WE the Queen now? If you don't like the new themes go to your settings and keep it on ES. The instructions are in this thread and in the News banner up top. And his "compliment," his attempt at "being nice" came after a simple post apologizing about accidentally messing up some settings for a few minutes. Garish colors, white letters on white backgrounds. Things I was fixing as I was learning. I wanted to make sure there weren't problems I missed. And the response is they don't matter. And let's be clear- the thing he was complimenting is "doing nothing" - this place runs itself. I okay new members every couple months, maybe respond to a request to move a thread. that's it. So I took even his compliment as "stop doing stuff and stay out of the way." It's not like this effort to make new "wallpaper" came out of nowhere. I was responding to the observation that it hadn't been done in awhile. His "we" did come off as particularly annoying. He may post the most but he doesn't post FOR everyone. I was doing this FOR others and continued because it was fun and fulfilling.
My next response was harsher because he never has the remotest possibility to understand WHY I might be upset. WHY his language makes me think he's constantly prodding and dismissing my efforts and interests. It's all "my problem" if I can't understand HIM - it's MY problem. If he ever once actually tried to understand where I'm coming from instead of automatically giving up and taking offense I'd assume he's been told he's had a diagnosis of a terminal illness and is forcing himself to reflect on himself and own actions for the first time in his life.
Ned you have put me in an impossible position. You don't get me. When you don't get me you build it up then blow up. I'm always happy to take the blame and say sorry. Then I am being insincere. And it's not accepted. You never apologise, but I get that, not that you are always correct, it's just you. And this is the thing with public forums and why people retreat to Facebook to be surrounded by like minded folk. On a public forum you need social skills to understand you are not going to get on with everyone. And accept that. Maybe we are both lacking some of those skills. And there is a huge difference between US humour and us Brits. I'm not making excuses, I don't need to. And as for blocking you, why would I want to do that? It is what it is. And as upset as you are, I might come off all I don't give a fuck. But I've worried about this all day and finally decided to come on here and say this. So there. You probably won't get the last bit. I've tried a virtual hand shake with you before to no avail. But it's there if you want it.
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Post by Nonsuch Ned on Jul 18, 2020 22:24:43 GMT
I'm always happy to take the blame and say sorry. What kind of delusion do live in? Are you trying to delude others or yourself? I just did searches for the words "sorry" or "apology" or apologize" alongside your name. You've used any of them a handful of times. Never in an actually apology. Variants of Blame and Fault show up a hell off a lot more often (not always against me - Plenty "Blame The Weather" but it sure goes to show what direction you''re apt to head in. Just fucking stop. You have never once offered anything like an actual apology. I just showed above that I did with you and you dismissed it, as you always do. Of course this doesn't cover previous forums and messages but it's still like 5 YEARS of "You deal with it, not my fault, you don't understand ME." I will say that you have on many occasions said that you'd like to forget it all, water under the bridge, and go back to some point. You have never once tried to deal with your own actions. Only deny there's anything to even consider as an iota of fault. In the past I HAVE made concessions, I explain myself and concede that I may be harsh or touchy. (See directly above!) And more tiresome hypocritical uninformed ignorant whining about facebook and twitter and refusal to account for the fact that countless people have quit these forums because of YOUR complete and utter inability to use social skills with them! I'm about to putt in a word censor to put "Wah Wah Wah! Baby no likey!" after every use of the words. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I'm perfectly well aware that I don't get along with you. Yet you still keep picking and picking in utter refusal to understand it yourself. And let's be clear. No one else asks to be deleted and to destroy everything (this is now the THIRD TIME- AT LEAST! Two here, at least once in the former BP) just because of an inability to just make space and let things be. You know what you're trying to do? It's what we in facebook call an unfollow, block, or unfriending depending on the severity of the problem. Except you also want to destroy everyone else's connversations.Deletion means deleting every damn post you've ever made. You post everywhere- yourr posts are integral to the fabric of the forum. AGAIN. It's so simple. I don't get along with you. You don't get on with me. Just avoid direct interaction! We're not going to get better, only more bitter. I HAVE blocked you. It was an obvious mistake to open this post anyways. But I visited some other threads and found it so relieving to see "This post is blocked [see anyway?]"
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Post by donavan on Jul 18, 2020 22:36:44 GMT
The virtual hand shake, is that a no then? Give 'em enough rope, eh? Ridiculous.
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Post by Nonsuch Ned on Jul 19, 2020 1:56:33 GMT
I don't even need to read your response. My response would be the same. From now on, please respect my boundaries, as I keep my distance from you.
It doesn't mean you can't answer threads I start, but please stop trying to initiate conversation with me. I'm not interested.
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Post by donavan on Jul 19, 2020 3:52:38 GMT
I find you very interesting in a way. I also find it disturbing how my presence on here disturbs you so much. And I don't like that. So probably best to delete me. I only post rubbish anyway so there will be no continuity issues. And the few members on here have backed you. So what's the problem? Pull the plug. I'm glad you have said what you have, it came as no surprise. So can we end this nonsense please? Or do you want me to do the honourable thing. If I've not been deleted by the end of Sunday I will. What an unfortunate situation. But I do worry about the stress I am causing you and sincerely wish for that to end. I think we both agree there is only one way that can be achieved. In all honesty it's just a forum about a defunct pop group. Thanks for the forums and sorry for the grief. Is it time to call it a day? Yes it is.
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Post by donavan on Jul 19, 2020 4:04:39 GMT
Just read that back and it sounds like I'm going to top myself . Blimey no, just delete myself from here. By the way it's don day. Have a day.
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Post by Nonsuch Ned on Jul 19, 2020 5:21:32 GMT
I do not delete members for personal arguments. Even ones with me. I've at least come to believe you don't specifically mean disrespect (just stunningly unaware when you do) so I cannot call it an outright attack that merits banning. Selfishly, I don't want to be seen as directly responsible for your ouster. But *sigh* I will tell you can do it yourself without removing your posts. I confirmed it with my test identity.
I don't feel like telling you how, as I honestly advise against it. I've noticed that Bimble, Miles and Mare have specifically voiced support for you over the last day- they've simply refused to takes sides against me. And just because others also support and thank me for the work I did on the themes*, that doesn't mean they are against YOU. All voices of support for me support my work, specifically on what I felt you insulted me on. No one has said they believe you insulted me. Give people time to see that you're serious in your comments here and they will voice these opinions to you too. Maybe in messages or in your Don Day thread? I was not lying about what I've said- I do not search out content by or about you so I have no idea what is in it but I assume a fun and jovial thread about you. As this was for me. Look it over again and feel appreciated.
*I figure some are more ready to quickly affirm their thanks to me because I have expressed vulnerabilities lately and see me as more fragile.
I JUST want you to respect my boundaries. The fact that no one else asks you the same should be proof enough that you don't bother them. I don't badmouth you to others here. I'm not trying to actively turn people away from you.
If by chance you delete your profile know that I would approve you coming back. (I have so far only denied member registrations that fail the anti-spammer checks) I think you'd have to start over but you'd probably enjoy going through the ranks again.
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