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Post by donavan on Dec 1, 2017 8:51:59 GMT
Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
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Post by donavan on Dec 8, 2017 16:04:54 GMT
I realised my parents favoured my twin brother when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
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Post by donavan on Dec 19, 2017 18:38:32 GMT
Guy who owns the local cinema has died.
His funeral is on Monday at 12:10, 14:20 and 18:40.
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Post by donavan on Dec 26, 2017 13:07:02 GMT
My grandad races pigeons.
I don’t know why, he never beats them.
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Post by donavan on Jan 7, 2018 20:46:48 GMT
What's the best thing for a hangover?
Drink loads the night before.
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Post by donavan on Jan 10, 2018 18:25:44 GMT
As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way.
I think, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me after all.
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Post by donavan on Jan 19, 2018 18:27:52 GMT
"What do we want?"
"Hearing aids"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
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Post by Finntrovertigo on Jan 19, 2018 19:11:25 GMT
Hear, hear.
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Post by donavan on Feb 2, 2018 7:25:39 GMT
A man goes into the barber's and the barber asks, "How would you like your hair cut?"
The man replies, "In silence"
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Post by donavan on Mar 3, 2018 13:11:32 GMT
Went to see the doctor about my blocked ear.
"Which ear is it?" he asked.
"2018" I replied.
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Post by donavan on Apr 4, 2018 16:01:04 GMT
What do you call a man in a slow-cooker?
Stu.
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Post by donavan on Apr 5, 2018 17:07:06 GMT
What do you call a man in a slow cooker painting a portrait?
Stuart.
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Post by donavan on Apr 6, 2018 17:24:57 GMT
What do you call a police officer in a slow cooker?
Irish Stu.
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Post by donavan on May 16, 2018 16:48:17 GMT
My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today and I couldn't help but admire it.
"Nice car," I said as he got out.
"Well," he said, noticing my admiring looks. "Work hard, put the hours in, and this time next year I'll have an even better one!"
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Post by donavan on May 21, 2018 17:35:13 GMT
A horse walks into a bar... The bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"
The horse, unable to speak English, shits on the floor and leaves.
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